UnMarried Relationships Just Don’t Count

by Latina Fatale on 11/29/2010 · 2 comments

in Life

I often feel that I am not legitimate in society’s eyes because I am not married. Now that I am in my mid-thirties every year I feel as if I becoming even more and more de-legitimized. Women over a certain age who continue to remain unmarried are suspect, with exception to formerly married women who are currently divorcees. And long-term relationships of unmarried women also lack legitimacy and seem to be taboo.

Yesterday I had an anxiety provoking conversation with one of my best friends who I consider to be on the progressive left both socially and politically. I told her that my long-time boyfriend had just mentioned he wanted to begin to try to have children this upcoming August, although he has known for years that I have never really wanted to have children. The conversation suddenly turned from discussion of my feelings about this recent turn of events to a full-blown conversation about a hypothetical wedding.

“Oh, I hope you have kids. Then we get to have a wedddiinngg”, she purred.

“I don’t really want to get married,” I said.

“Oh, but you can wear a cute white dress and can have a really great party afterward,” she exclaimed.

“I don’t really want to get married,” I repeated.

“But if you have kids then you’ll have to get married. You can have the wedding before you start showing during your pregnancy,” she insisted.

“Even if I had kids, why do I need to get married? We’ve been together for almost fourteen years, and at this point I don’t really feel that a contract is going to make my relationship any stronger,” I explained.

“But weddings are fun!! It’ll be a fun party!” she replied.

“If you want to have a party, I’ll have a big ass party for my soon to be 35th birthday,” I said.

“Oh, no, it’s just not the same. Weddings are so much better,” she lamented.

Worst. Conversation. Ever.

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Mike P. November 30, 2010 at 8:14 pm

Wedding parties are fun. But, one of the best parties I ever threw was the baby shower (well, I did a little bit, OK?), and while we are married, is relevant. Piles of beer cans, lots of fun, practically everyone I knew came (male/female party, not one of those women only parties, obviously) Over 11 years ago, and I still remember it well.

I know a few couples that I thought were married, but actually weren’t. While you get to have conversations like the one above with some people if not married, lots of people don’t even know or really care.


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